


things you said when you were drunk

by wombatpop



Series: things you said [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alcohol, Based on a Tumblr Post, Blood, Chest Binding, Description of Injuries, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Insecurity, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Nakedness, Non-Sexual, The First Avenger Era, Trans Steve Rogers, Vomiting, transphobic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:19:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15251283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wombatpop/pseuds/wombatpop
Summary: Bucky takes a few seconds to understand the implication, everything Steve is suggesting, and opens his mouth in a silent, “oh”.





	things you said when you were drunk

**Author's Note:**

> the 'things you said' series is based on a tumblr post by [eversncenewyork](http://eversncenewyork.tumblr.com/post/110395333021/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a)

“Steve? Steve!” Bucky knew Steve was expecting him, as he so often was, but this time he was not greeted at the door, not in the living room or the bedroom.

Finally, a groan sounds from the kitchen, and Bucky approaches with that familiar feeling of dread and sickening concern, always fearful of one fight too many, waiting for the bruise that makes Steve break.

“Steve?” Bucky approaches Steve, cowering on the floor beneath the sink, filled at the bottom with vomit and traces of blood. Steve is wearing the makeshift chest binder that Bucky made for him, and trousers, a ripped and dirtied shirt discarded a few feet away, socks but no shoes.

Bucky crouches and sighs.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? You just started bleeding and vomiting on your own this time?”

Steve glares, but Bucky is undeterred. Reaching out, he moves Steve’s arms where they obscure his abdomen, to reveal bruises and grazes. Steve’s knuckles are blushing, with a split lip and a swollen left eye. He refuses to meet Bucky’s gaze, head lolling from side to side somewhat, breathing heavily.

“You need a doctor.”

“I don’t need a doctor!” Steve raises his voice and Bucky catches the strong smell of alcohol on his breath.

“Are you drunk?” Bucky asks, and Steve almost yells back.  
“I’m not drunk! I don’t need your help!”

“Come on, Stevie.”

“Don’t call me that!” Steve’s attempt to push Bucky away is feeble, accompanied only by a grimace and a sigh on Bucky’s part.

“Are you gonna let me help you out? Or are you just gonna sit here?”

Steve doesn’t reply, and Bucky’s surprised at his post-fight melancholy; the usual bullies never get him this down, perpetually passionate in a way that doesn’t leave room for reflection.

“Steve Rogers doesn’t quit like this. What did they do to you?”

“Fuck off.” It’s the first time that Bucky can remember Steve taking his frustrations out on him.

“They must have really hit a nerve to get you this upset.” Bucky feels a little remorseful at pushing Steve like this, but he doesn’t see another pathway off the floor that doesn’t involve Steve at least telling him what happened, or maybe getting angry enough to stand up.

“What do you think, Buck? What could they possibly have used to upset me?” Steve’s chin quivers, and Bucky doesn’t know what to say for a moment. Seeing Bucky’s hesitation, Steve speaks again.

“See? You don’t know what to say. Because you don’t get it.”

“Steve-” Bucky interjects by Steve shouts over his attempt at comfort.

“Because you’re a real boy. A real boy. And I’m…” Steve’s voice breaks, and he lets a shuddering sigh out, head hanging toward his chest.

“No matter how much you call me a boy I’ll never be one, will I? No matter how many fucking fights I have.

“And no matter how much I like you, you like proper girls. And I can’t be what you want.

“I’ll always just be a failed girl in fucking pants. Making a goddamn fool of herself!” Steve concludes, and sobs into his tender palms.

Bucky takes a few seconds to understand the implication, everything Steve is suggesting, and opens his mouth in a silent, “oh”.

Steve sniffs and coughs and cries, and Bucky stands. Steve can hear him rifling through various parts of the house. When he returns, Steve allows Bucky to help him up with minimal protests.

Bucky helps Steve to the bed, a basin of water and a bunch of rags on the bedside table. Steve sits with a slump, and shuts his eyes.

“Steve.” He opens his eyes.

“This has to come off.” Bucky says, gesturing to the chest binder. Steve sniffles, and nods for Bucky to help him remove it. A tear in one of the straps makes their job easier, and Steve lays on his back on the bed, eyes closed once more, seemingly indifferent to his exposed chest in Bucky’s presence.

Bucky lays cool, wet rags across Steve’s stomach and chest, and Steve’s breathing begins to level. With his eyes closed and wounds somewhat soothed, Steve drifts to sleep.

\---

When he comes to, he can hear someone outside the room, footsteps and muffled clanging.

“Buck?” The clanging continues for a few more seconds before ceasing, footsteps approaching the doorway until Bucky appears.

“Feeling better?”

“Not really.”

Bucky sets a cup of a dark liquid down next to the basin of water, and hands Steve a fresh shirt.

“I found some coffee in the bottom of the cupboard. If you want some.”

“Thanks.” Steve replies, pulling the shirt on hastily, painfully, and keeps his eyes on his buttons for a long as he can.

“I don’t know if you really remember all you said earlier.” Bucky looks at the wall, and Steve looks at his buttons.

“I don’t know if I can say anything that will make you feel any better.  
But you said, I think, that I couldn’t like you, because that would mean I see you as a girl.” Bucky’s voice lowers on ‘like’, and Steve holds his breath for a moment.

“I don’t think that’s true.” Bucky says, and their eyes finally meet.

“Get some rest.” Bucky breaks the tension, forever knowing what to say to ease a situation, and exits the room. Steve sits, and rolls Bucky’s sentences over and over in his mind.  
His head is hurting way too much for this.


End file.
